


dreaming of you now

by Bibiancaap



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy is dead, Canonical Character Death, F/F, F/M, Post 7x13, and i'm sad, bellarke should be endgame, cwstopjason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26731405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bibiancaap/pseuds/Bibiancaap
Summary: Every night, Clarke has a dream. That's normal. Every night in her dreams, she sees Lexa. That's a little weird, but given how important Lexa is to her, not a big deal. Every night in her dreams, she is in different places. Most of the time she is on space with Lexa. But one night she dreamed she was on a new place. One she never dreamed before. It's a beautiful field of flowers. There's a big house in construction. She sees who is building the house. He never showed up in her dreams before but now yes. It's him it's Bellamy Blake.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Kudos: 18





	dreaming of you now

Summer evenings, just as the sun is starting to set, have a distinct smell. Once the earth begins to cool, the faint breeze holds an earthy floral scent, sweet and nostalgic in the way it fills her lungs.

With her back pressed against the enormous oak tree, the one adorning the tire swing, Clarke tilts her head back to admire the beautiful field of flowers. Stretching her legs out along the soft green grass, she wiggles her toes and sighs at the freeing feeling of naked feet. Her sundress, a salmon color lacking sleeves, flows around her, soft and clean.

A harsh burst of wind ruffles her blonde hair and cools her warm cheeks, sending goosebumps along her bare arms. 

It’s peaceful here, more so than anywhere else, she thinks as she watches the tire swing sway with every warm breath of wind.

“This is a nice change.”

Lexa leans against the tree, admiring the swing with her. 

“Much better than space,” she adds with a smirk. 

“I think so,” she smiles.

Lexa inhales deeply, as she moves to sit beside her with a small huff. Clarke scoots closer to her, resting her temple against her shoulder.

“How you doing?” she asks. “With everything?” 

She glances down at her legs, spreading her toes out again. 

“I don’t know.”

“It’s a lot to handle at once.” 

Clarke closes her eyes, linking her arm with hers and whispering, “It hurts. All of it.”

“I know it does.” 

Lexa pulls her arm away to wrap it around her shoulders, pulling her into a side hug. 

“You’re back on earth, though. Your are back home safe. That's all that matters.” 

While the safety of Lexa embrace calms her, it does nothing to lessen the tight squeeze around her heart, like a hand whose fingertips dig in deep enough to break through. It’s a pain that causes her exhaling breaths to shake, teetering on the line of a mere quivering chin and a desperate, broken sob. 

“By the way, can I just ask-” Lexa says, catching her attention. When she peers up at him, he’s staring forward with a curious brow perked. “-why yellow?” 

Clarke follows her gaze to the unfinished house, an enormous house, seemingly never ending. It’s only partially painted, most of it remaining an off-white color while the rest a is the loveliest shade of pastel yellow she’s ever seen. When the setting light hits it just right, it’s intensity becomes breathtaking. 

“It's his favorite color” she says quietly, a small, woeful small tugging at her lips. “So that's why he chose it” 

Lexa chuckles, the laughter rumbling against her, easing the tension she feels within herself. 

“Ohh I see. But, what about those floors? The rooms? It’s gonna take him a long time to finish it,” Lexa grins, pulling back to fully look at her. “He hasn’t stopped talking about it, you know. Got it all figured out. He’s been telling me all his plans for this room with nothing but flowers on it.” 

That gets a real laugh out of her, the giggles erupting to where she has to cover her mouth. 

“God, of course.”

“And I asked him, ‘What in the hell do you need a whole room of flower for?’”

“Swear,” she teases, pointing up at her. 

“Oh, common-” 

“Swear!” 

Lexa shakes her head, chuckling harder and continuing, “Anyway, he goes, ‘How else are we supposed to receive Clarke without her favorites flowers?’ Then, he threw a flower on me.” 

“He what?” 

“Threw it right at me and hightailed it outta there! That man...” Lexa looks at her, her smile softening. “He told me he’s gonna put in a skylight, too. After he’s done building Madi's tree house, of course.”

The fist tightens around her aching heart, damn near bringing tears to her eyes as she looks away from him, down at her hands. Her fingers curl, nails biting into her palms as she attempts to control herself. 

“Clarke?” 

“It’s not fair, Lexa.” 

She’s silent, all the laughter inside her is gone, replaced with a knowing, sympathetic sigh. 

“It never is Clarke. Losing someone like that… it cuts deep. Hurts a long time. But, you’ll come to accept it, just like you always do. Like you did with your parents, with me.” 

“I just thought I finally had someone,” she whispers. “Someone who’d hold me, kiss me and tease me and make me laugh, I-” her voice breaks, breath shuddering as her eyes burn, “-I thought he’d- he just- I didn’t even get to-” 

Lexa hugs her again, her warmth enveloping Clarke as she rubs her back in soothing motions.

“I know, Clarke. I know.” 

The sorrow, the guilt, the anger, all a dangerous concoction boiling over in her blood and flowing through her veins consumes her. 

“He misses you, too.”

A cool breeze stings the hot tears dripping over her cheeks.

“He talks about you more than the damn house.”

Lexa nudges her, worry furrowing her brow as she stares down at her teary eyes and distraught pout. She buries her face into her hands, hunching over and trembling. 

“He deserves to be with the rest of us. Not- not… If I had just- had just killed the shepherd instead, then maybe we could’ve made it back to earth with him-” 

“You can’t change what happened, Clarke,” Lexa’s frown deepens as he eyes her. “It’s okay to feel like this. Hell, I don’t think you’d be human if you didn’t. But, blaming yourself doesn’t change the fact that he’s gone. And you can’t be mad at him for choosing to be a disciple. That’s not fair, not to yourself and definitely not fair to him.”

Clarke’s silent. 

The branches above her rustle, a sound that’s almost pacifying. Dark green leaves fall, landing on her dress and bare legs. 

She feels Lexa nudge her, and when she looks at her, she’s gazing back at the house with a wide, knowing grin.

From around the corner, carrying a paint can and a roller, Bellamy appears. 

Her breath hitches. 

He’s whistling a tune, dreads pulled back out of his face.

His jeans roll up over his calves, yellow staining them, his shirt, his hands. 

He’s whistling a tune, dreads pulled back out of his face. His jeans roll up over his calves, yellow staining them, his shirt, his hands.He’s barefoot, strolling through the grass with a calm, content smile on his lips.

He stops to set everything down with a huff, kneeling to pour the paint and coat the roller. Clarke watches him continue working where he left off, presses the yellow everywhere he could reach. Her pulse flutters at the beautiful sound of him singing to himself. 

“... And I need you to know that we're falling so fast…” 

She lets out a shaky breath. 

“...We're falling like the stars, falling in love…”

Beside her, Lexa shifts around, pulling herself back to her feet.

“...And I'm not scared to say those words with you, I'm safe …” 

He picks off stray leaves, grinning down at her with an encouraging smile. 

“Go.” 

She blinks up at Lexa before turning to watch Bellamy again, stretching up on his tippy toes to try and cover as much as he can in the lovely pastel yellow. 

“Go to him, Clarke.”

She’s standing, brushing down her dress and running her fingers through her hair, attempting to be presentable. Her throat’s gone dry, still in disbelief that she’s seeing Louis only a few feet away from her, still singing and wholeheartedly painting their dream home. 

The home, for those short seconds, she had imagined them living in with Madi and all her friends.

Imagined them building it together, laughing and chasing each other around with dripping paintbrushes, flinging the globs of yellow through the air in a paint war.

And when the war ended and they were laying on the ground beside one another, panting and grinning like complete fools, she’d lean over him. She’d wipe paint off his cheek and kiss him, light presses of their mouths moving together the way they were meant to.

But-

But now that’s nothing but a fantasy. 

“We’ll talk later, Clarke. I promise,” Lexa says, catching her attention. “He’s been waiting to see you.” 

"Re-really?" Clarke questions her. 

"Yes" Lexa affirms. 

Lexa pulls her into one last kiss on the side of her cheek and turns facing the swing but before turning she gives one last look at Clarke and tells her. 

"Ohh and Clarke, remember, i'll always be with you."

With that, Lexa turns around and walks in direction of the swing and she passes. Suddenly Lexa is no longer seen.

Her focus goes back to Bellamy, turning so that the sun presses against her back. With every step she takes, her heart thumps louder, harder, pulsating through her entire body.

He’s there, truly there, smiling that smile of his that she loves so damn much. With the glow hitting him just right, she can see every freckle kissing his skin, scattering long his nose and cheek, over his chest, his arms.

She stops, her foot nearly touching the paint can. Her mouth parts in search of words, but can’t find any. The longer she stares, most her insides swell with heavy, longing feelings. Feelings to reach out and touch him, prove that he’s really there. 

He stops painting. 

From the corner of his eye, he sees her and she feels that look shoot warmth through her. 

He lowers the roller slowly, shifting himself around to face her, eyes widening and his grin spreading. 

“You’re here,” Bellamy beams. “Come to check up on my big project, huh?”

“Bellamy,” she breathes out, nearly sounding on the verge of tears.

“It’s a work in progress, obviously,” he says, tossing the roller aside and stepping over the can towards her. “But it’s definitely coming along. But, I am starting to question the sanity of wanting over two floors. At least the yellow looks great.” 

He plants his hands on his hips, quirking a brow at her. Clarke’s there in a matter of seconds, flinging herself against him and wrapping her arms around his waist tightly, proving to herself that he’s there.

"Bellamy,” she says again. “God, I- I missed you.” 

Louis presses her fully against him, holding her and mumbling into her curls, “Missed you, too.” 

Clarke peers up at his loving face, reaching up to touch the warmth of his cheek. She feels his hands grip her waist, brow becoming troubled.

“How’s everyone else?” he asks

“They’re still a little shaken up, but they’re handling it well. Murphy is so happy that he is going to be a dad . And, Raven been hovering over me most nights, making sure I’m okay. Gaia's been there, too. She's been helping me with Madi”

“So, they’re all safe?”

“Yes.” 

“You have no idea how good is to hear that.” 

Bellamy kisses her, a quick press, there and back. He holds her again, pressing his face into her neck and sighing. She runs her hands along his back, in awe at how he feels, how warm he is. He grins, baring all his teeth.

“And, Octavia? How’s she doing?”

A cold tingle runs up her legs, her spine, killing her smile. She breaks their gaze, staring up at the unfinished mansion, remaining silent. 

“Clarke.” 

His voice, so soft, makes her chin quiver. 

"You know that she still not over you." 

Her eyes snap back at his, watery and defeated. 

"Don't do that" he says "Don't think like that." 

She breaks down, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Bellamy" she croaks "You're dead and it's all my fault." 

His expression shifts first into one of shock before melting into one of despair, brows knitting together sorrowfully. He blinks fast, biting his lip and nodding slowly. 

"I'm aware" 

She pulls him by the nape of his neck and desperately presses another kiss to his lips, holding him there to savor the sensitive sensation. He angles his head, deepening the kiss and moving his mouth with hers in a way that nearly buckles her knees. 

When he tries to pull away, she doesn’t let him. 

“Clar-” he murmurs against her lips before she locks their lips once more. 

Clarke kisses him the way she wished she had passionate, lovingly, and desperate. A kiss that could tell him everything.

“Stop-”

“No.”

His hands curl in the material of her sundress before sliding over her shoulders. When he finally breaks away, freckled cheeks flushed and lips parted in a silent gasp, sad lidded eyes staring down at her. She tries to kiss him again, but he leans away.

“Please,” she pleads, tightening her grip on him. 

“Hey, Clarke look at me.”

Reluctantly, she does. 

“If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven.” he says. 

Silent tears roll over her cheeks now as the words sink in. "Clarke I need you to hear me okay?" he says. 

"You're strong, Clarke. The strongest person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and you will get through this. I need you to get better for Madi because she needs both you and Octavia to become better, to teach her how to be brave and smart and a survivor, just like we were . You have to be there for her. You can’t let me die in vain like that.” 

She feels a silent sob rise in her throat, hot and thick, and she feels the tears once again rolling down her cheeks.

"Think you can do that for me? Because I know you can." 

She nods slightly. His fingers gently caress her chin, forcing her to look at him again before he presses another light kiss to her pink lips. He moves to her cheek, her forehead, the tip of her nose. 

"It's time to wake up" He says pointing over the horizon where the sun almost set. 

"I don't want to leave you" 

"Clarke i'll be fine here I got Monty, Jasper, Gabriel, Kane, Diyoza, Wells, Lexa, and even your mom is here, I'm not alone, I'm with our friends, I'm free now Clarke." 

With that, he kisses her one last time, lingering close ever after they part, slow and reluctant. So desperately she wants to grab him again, press their mouths together again and never let go, never leave him again.

But he pushes her away, holding firm to her shoulders and taking one last look over her. His fingers fall over her arms, down to her hands, until he finally let's go and steps back. She sees him blinking rapidly, swallowing thickly with a forlorn smile. 

“May we meet again Clarke.” 

“Bellamy-” 

She reaches out to him, but he turns his back to her, taking his first hesitant step away.

“Bellamy,” she calls again. “Wait-” 

When he doesn’t acknowledge her, she finally says it. 

“I love you.” 

His shoulders slump as he comes to a stop. 

His arm lifts, hand wiping at his face, his eyes. 

His voice, small but tangled in emotion, shoots straight through her heart. 

“I love you, too princess.” 

Clarke watches him walk away, back over to the house. 

Through her tears, her blurred vision, Bellamy fades away, and she wakes up all alone.

**Author's Note:**

> so I have been mourning over Bellamy over a week now honestly I don't even want to watch the 100 anymore after what happened to him and Gabriel. 
> 
> why don't we all pretend season 7 never existed
> 
> cw please NEVER let jason direct another tv show thanks 
> 
> anyways guys i hope u enjoy this fic with a little bit of Clexa and with Bellarke if you like it leave kudos


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